No Internet? No Problem.

I type this without an Internet connection.

Yes you read that correctly. I am currently writing on NotePad (I use Word on Google Drive - also on the Internet) to get this post ready to be eventually posted when the DAMN INTERNET COMES B- *breathes in* when Virgin Media kindly return what is mine *Gollum stare*.

I just wrote a little article and wanted to prepare some creative enthusiasm for Evernightians to enjoy. Eru would have it otherwise it seems. The Internet hasn't been down for me in months now. So I will blame one of two things:

1) Lazy engineers have spilled cold beer on the server (it is very hot today)
2) Hobbits.

I think we both know which one is likely the reason. 

So, to keep myself entertained I will be reading some Tolkien and taking time to think on a few questions I'd have liked to ask him. For example...

1) Lady Ents. Girly-trees. Fements (okay I now see why he didn't call them that... did they ferment when they died? horrible thought!). What happened to them? Was their purpose to serve as a mournful foundation for their male counterparts? What was the root of their fall? 'Scuse the pun.

2) Female Dwarfs. Specifically their beards. Do they have an ovarian issue? Or too much testosterone? Is their oestrogen supply being held back? What was the social convention when trying to flirt in a bar? Flip a coin? I'm a bit stumped for this one. 'Scuse the pun.

"Hey buddy, my eyes are up here".

3) Male Elves. See the same question but change wording slightly. They do have feminine qualities.

Feminine qualities... maybe not this one.

4) The Two Blue Wizards. According to Tolkien they dealt with matters abroad. I'd love to read about what they did in the East. There's so little said about them I can't even find a whimsical meme.

5) Half Orcs. Think about it.

In many ways I am glad that not all questions were answered. The infamous "but the Hobbits and the Eagles to Mordor..." question was answered by Tolkien (with eye-rolling distain, I might add). I don't want to pick at his logic behind the stories. I'm interested in the minor details.

What questions would you pose to Tolkien if you'd had the chance?